The Most Important 15 Minutes of Your Child’s Day, and You Might be Missing It…

There are many individual moments over a twenty-four hour period that are threaded together to create your child’s day. Those moments for us, as their parents, are opportunities! Opportunities for us to build them up, to encourage them, to connect with them, to challenge them, and to show them that our love is absolutely and indefinitely without condition…. to really connect with them. Their day brings countless opportunities for us to seize these precious moments and really, seizing those moments absolutely embodies the very essence of motherhood. Our Father in heaven designed us perfectly to not only recognize those opportunities to connect with our children, but to have the intuition to know what that connection needs to look like for that child. The trouble is that too often we get too busy and life gets in the way…. those intuitions dull and we let those moments slip away. I’m guilty too… very likely, we all are. It is time right now (yes, this very moment!) to start parenting on purpose!

The first thing I am going to suggest is something that I discovered about five years ago… not all of the moments in your child’s day are created equally. I believe that there are four key times, four opportunities for connection, that require our highest level of emotional diligence, commitment, and purposeful action during the course of our child’s day.

You’ve likely got a pretty good idea about when these four key times might be. I’ll give you a hint… they tend to be among the most stressful moments of your day! However, with a little forethought and planning, I promise that you can turn these stressful and often dreaded times into the precious moments that will sew your child’s heart to your own for an eternity. In this post, I am going to introduce you to the first of the four key opportunities for connection. We will explore the remaining three in future blog posts, so stay tuned!

First, let’s start with a picture that may or may not sound familiar!

Maybe you’ve been up for 2 hours already and you’ve been intentionally putting it off…. you know, the dreaded morning rush with the kids! Maybe your alarm just went off and you are trying to wake up alongside your kids! Either way, it is 6:30am and the kids need to be out the door by 7:30! Yikes! One hour and there is so much to do! You had great intentions the night before to get everything set out and ready for the next morning, but by the time you got the lunches packed and that load thrown in the washer you were beat! Oh no, that load I put in the washer….. I forgot to put it in the dryer first thing this morning!! I hope his little pants get dry before we need to leave!!

“Every one get up!! Hustle up big guy, we are going to be late!! Good job eating like a big boy, but can you go a little bit faster!?”

“What’s that princess… you need to go potty right now?! We just changed your diaper sweet pea……. ok lets go try to sit on the potty, but hurry hurry!” 

“Ok big kids, you seriously need to get up like right now! Please guys, I know you are tired but we’ve got to go! Now!” 

Great, 15 minutes until we need to leave!  I thought I had an hour… where did those 45 minutes go?!  You’ve got this, but we’ve got to get out the door right now! 

“Ok everyone grab a piece of toast, a yogurt tube, and a banana and get your shoes on, we are eating in the van… AGAIN!”

“Oh no, not you buddy…. just eat your breakfast in here, you can’t put your shoes on without pants on!!”

You run down to the laundry…. yay the pants are dry! WIN!! 

“Ok bud, put these on… HURRY!” 

“Uh Oh… that’s ok big girl, but mama said we were going to eat that yogurt in the van right and now it’s all over the floor. It’s ok, grab a new tube, but this time let’s wait until we get all buckled up, ok?! 

“Ok super quickly, I need a volunteer to wipe up that yogurt quickly, very quickly, while I gather the rest of my stuff. Hurry Hurry guys we needed to be pulling out 3 minutes ago!” 

“Great job everyone lets load up! 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6…… 7? 7? 7? Cory!?!?!! Where is Cory?! What, she’s still in bed!?? Ok, everyone get in the van and buckle up while I quickly go get her up!” 

So. Not. A. Win! 

Those days are not typical for us, but they absolutely do happen!! When they do happen I am left feeling anxious and overwhelmed during the madness! Big picture though, when it is all over I am able to step back and gain some perspective. Everything worked out, everyone got where they needed to go, no one was late, and now I can just breathe and continue with my day! OK! Heartbeat has slowed back down, I’m not anxious anymore, and I’m actually feeling a little impressed with myself… impressed that I was able to throw that all together in under an hour and still manage to be on time! No harm, no f – o – u – l????

What we are forgetting is that children are not able to compartmentalize and gain greater perspective like we are! Whether they are at school, in co-op, or working on their homeschooling at the kitchen table, chances are good that they are still physically, emotionally, and cognitively foggy… flooded with remnants of the anxiety and stress that was their morning. And that is just part of the fog! The other part comes from the fact that even though you provided them with a good breakfast, cloths, and a hug… you didn’t really connect with them. You didn’t intentionally take time to make sure, absolutely sure, that they know that they are the most important people in your life and that just like yesterday, today you will love them without condition. You didn’t take a few moments to remind them that today might have trials, but that they are strong enough to endure them well and to make it a great day… that you will be there if things do get too hard. Harm was done. I am calling foul.

We need to make sure that we are living life on purpose. It starts with intentionally and consistently connecting with and building up your child every single morning. Will there be mornings when everything that could go wrong does causing you to miss your morning connection? Absolutely! But, commit to making those days few and far between! Whether your child is a toddler or a teen… connect with them every morning!

Everyone’s morning connection will look differently, but remember it doesn’t have to take an excessive amount of time!! For my youngest kiddos that are five and under (I call them my “littles”), I like to catch them in their beds the very moment they wake up. If you’ve been in our home in the mornings, then you’ve likely seen the sprint! The second I hear my littles starting to wake up, I bolt to their bedroom…. leaping over laundry baskets and dodging any other barriers in my path!! My big kids too will run to find me if they hear the littles waking up before I do… it’s a team effort!! If I know we need to be out the door, then I wake them up a few minutes early so that we can still have our morning connection. My morning connection with my littles involves lots of cuddles, telling them how much I missed them while they were sleeping, a prayer, going through the plan for the day, asking how they are feeling, doing a little sing-songy routine that we do each morning and reminding them how very much I love them! For my littles this time is more about cultivating the joy and happiness in their little hearts the very minute they wake up.

My morning connection with the older kiddos doesn’t always happen immediately when they wake up, but close to it! This morning connection looks similar in many ways to that with the littles, except there are less tickles and kisses….. you know, they are much too mature for those shenanigans! I tell them good morning and greet them with a big hug and look them right in the eyes and tell them how much I love them and how happy I am to see them! I have a special little  unique ‘I love you’ phrase with each of the kids so that is said as well. I also ask them what they need from me that day… is there something that they need me to do for them, is there a burden I can lift off of their shoulders? I also take this time to gently remind them of anything that needs to be accomplished that day, but I make sure to have a very positive and encouraging tone during this reminder. Often times with my oldest (my 13 year old public schooler), I will also send her an uplifting text once I know she is on the bus.

There is absolutely no right or wrong way to connect with your child in the mornings, with one exception. Do not let yourself be distracted! That basket of laundry will still need folding and those dishes will still be waiting to be washed once you’ve connected with your precious little one! Sometimes I too am tempted to just quickly pack those lunches while I chat with my kindergartner… but I quickly remember that she will notice if I am distracted. My message to her then becomes, “you are important, BUT now you need to compete for my attention because you are only as important as this lunch that needs to be packed.”  Kids pick up on much more than most of us give them credit for… they will notice if you are distracted, I promise you that! Take the 5-15 minutes every morning to make it known to your child that they deserve the very best of you each and every morning!!

Mornings are an important time Mama! The untapped potential that this time holds to shape your child’s entire day is unparalleled! This is also a time that will have an eternal impact… helping to shape and beautify your relationship with your child. Imagine what a legacy this simple act will leave…

I can only hope that my children will reflect upon our time together with thoughts such as….

“When I was growing up, my mother took time every single morning to sit with me… to lift me up, guide me, and encourage me. It was in those moments that the building blocks of my childhood were cemented. I never doubted, even for a moment that I was one of the most important people in her life. I was loved, valued, and treasured all the days of her life.” 

This is the legacy that I want to leave in my child’s heart long after I’m gone… the legacy of a devoted, faithful and loving mother who would give anything to have just one more moment with her beloved child. We must be sure, absolutely certain, that we are doing all that we can each and every day to cultivate this beautiful legacy for our children… for one day it will be their most treasured possession.

“No love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child.” – Jeffrey R. Holland

A blog. Yes, a blog!

I’d really like to think that I am not the only amateur blogger out there who feels a bit hypocritical! There are so many things I have yet to learn and master in motherhood! I’m not drowning in patience, my house isn’t spotless, sometimes we wear mismatched socks, meals at times are an afterthought and more often than not – we are late! Yup…. like 15 minutes late!! That being said, I have learned a thing or two about keeping a family of 9 running smoothly.

Things that I do well include living out my faith, implementing chore systems (yes plural… kids have a funny way of getting bored with systems which in turn demands somewhat constant adjustment and reassessment), managing meals (I didn’t really learn to cook until kiddo number 5 came along), healthy eating, planning and executing all things Traveling With A Large Family, homeschooling, foster care (we are in our 11th year), organizing, scheduling (we are always managing between 1 and 11+ different extracurriculars), budgeting (an absolute must when you have a family of 9 living off of 1.5 incomes) and raising Christ-loving, generous, caring and service-minded children! I’m also pretty good at this marriage business, although that wasn’t always the case (more about that in a future post). Proverbs 31 principles are always at the forefront of my mind and always my goal as a wife and woman!

So, now the why. Why am I taking on this blog business?! I’m not swimming in time and obviously I don’t have it all figured out! Simply, I feel called to do this. I know that sounds very cliché, but that’s really and simply it. I have a feeling that this blog is really for me though and my own personal growth than anything else… I know that Heavenly Father is trying to teach me something here and I am just along for the ride! I hope too though that this blog will be the light and encouragement that some are seeking! I hope that the young mother out there who feels like she can’t possibly manage another baby can come and feel encouraged and grab a few tips! I hope that the mom of many who is literally drowning in laundry and dishes can see that she isn’t alone and that this season too is a season to be treasured and will surely be missed. I hope those mamas with grown children can come and reminisce about a season that passed much too quickly.. leave us a comment, let us soak up your wisdom and encouragement!!  Hopefully you will find your self laughing here too… laughter always does a heart good, especially when you feel like you don’t have anything left to give! I hope too that there might be some dads joining us! Wes will be doing an occasional guest post here as well (he doesn’t know this yet!!)! I hope that all who visit here can leave hopeful and inspired. Hopeful that the storm they are weathering isn’t too much for them to endure and inspired to endure it well! Most of all, I hope those mamas visiting can feel a renewed sense of purpose and motivation, walking away with a new or renewed commitment to giving both her husband and children the very best of her… never forgetting that her work is among the most sacred on all the earth.

“‘Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling… It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” – Neil L. Andersen